Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
