a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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