he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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