At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
