Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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