I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
