Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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