Have you finally orgasmed yet?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
