just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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