Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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