; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
