dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
