HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
