I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
