WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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