Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
