I CAN MOONWALK!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize