It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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