This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Randomize
