Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
