I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
