you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
