Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I pour the whiskey from now on
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
