I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
