Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
