If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
