last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize