so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
