New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
