stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
