Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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