I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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