Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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