I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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