Are we in a gay sports bar?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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