Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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