Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
