Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize