I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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