My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
