i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
