i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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