Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
