I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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