2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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