Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize