I just made out with a guy for $7.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
