U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
