just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
