i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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