the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
