Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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