Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
