im holly from the hills drunk
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
