I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
