im having a threesome with these popsicles
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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