i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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