I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
