i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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