How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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