During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
