i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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