She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
