Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
