I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
