my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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