I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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