he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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