so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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