So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize