it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
