I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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