I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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