I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Houston, we have a squirter
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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