i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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