im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
