Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
