Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
