nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
