I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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