I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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