It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
