pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
someone owes me an orgasm
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
