I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
